When Friendly Becomes Flirty And How To Protect Your Marriage From Potential Infidelity

When Friendly Becomes Flirty And How To Protect Your Marriage From Potential Infidelity

We all want to connect and feel wanted and desired especially by our partner.  It’s a basic human need.

We’ve talked with thousands of couples through out the years and as we meet with them on a daily basis we hear many consistent answers as to why happily married men flirt.

The biggest reason we hear is that they flirt because they want to know they’re still desirable.  Do they still have what it takes to excite and impress?

It’s not that they have a bad marriage.  It’s not even a fault in their

Read More

Questions to Ask When You've Discovered They Look At Porn

Questions to Ask When You've Discovered They Look At Porn

So you just found out that your spouse has viewed pornography.  Now what?

First, you will likely feel betrayed.  For many spouses when they just learn that their spouse has viewed or routinely views pornography in their past or present there is a sense of betrayal.

It feels like you’ve been lied to and maybe you don’t know your spouse like you thought you did.  For many it feels like an extra marital affair has taken place between your spouse and a stranger.  Even if that stranger is on a screen.

Because of this many times the person who has been betrayed...

Read More

Sexual Intimacy A Struggle?

Sexual Intimacy A Struggle?

If only it were as simple as putting on a sensual song and slipping into something “more comfortable” to feel “in the mood” as a woman.  

If you come to us for counseling you have learned all about emotional intimacy and have probably experienced a deepening of your relationship bond in a short amount of time.  But sometimes couples still struggle sexually.  

Sometimes it’s a biological struggle, sometimes its dietary, and yet sometimes it’s just simply a matter of preparing the mind for an encounter with our spouse.... 

Read More

New Parent Difficulties: A Case Study

New Parent Difficulties: A Case Study

When it comes to celebrity couples, Eva Mendes and Ryan Gosling are one pair of Hollywood A-listers who have managed to keep the details of their relationship relatively private. Maintaining this level of confidentiality is no small feat given the celebrity status of the two.  After all, it's hard enough for us common folk to keep our private lives private. 

Nonetheless, when you're as famous as Eva Mendes and Ryan Gosling are, there will always be prying eyes and lenses whenever you go out and public. As a result, there are some things that you just can't keep secret for long, and recent photos of the couple together clearly show that Mendes is expecting the couple's second child...

Read More

How Infidelity Creeps Into Relationships: Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner

How Infidelity Creeps Into Relationships: Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner

Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck were more than just a Hollywood power couple. They were also the type of couple that a lot of couples aspire to be. His teary-eyed, heartfelt acceptance speech at the Grammy's was enough to make many women swoon. It's difficult to not be impressed by a man who unabashedly thanks and weeps over his wife and children on live television. When news of the their impending separation hit, followed by rumors of infidelity hit, however, public opinion dramatically changed. What people forgot is that celebrity relationships are fraught with all of the same problems that regular relationships are fraught with, and more. Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner are real people and the basic problem in their relationship is a very common one....

Read More

Building Resilience Through Life Transitions

Building Resilience Through Life Transitions

Transitions in life can be so hard.  Brad and I are already talking about when we will have a second child.  I am already thinking about how my little Luke will feel about no longer being the baby.

Of course he will always be my baby…but the thought of him growing older and not being my little guy is a bit sad.  We also think about his emotional health a lot.  

We know how important it is for little guys and girls to be emotionally healthy because they take their emotional health or disfunction with them into their adult years.  Whether they are emotionally healthy or not it impacts every aspect of their lives....

Read More

Ever Feel Like Your Spouse Is Such A Baby?

Ever Feel Like Your Spouse Is Such A Baby?

You may have heard the saying "cradle to the grave" attached to physical intimacy.  While that is very true.  We don't always think of childlike temper tantrums as something acceptable in adult love relationships.  Instead we hear things like, "Your acting like a such a baby"....I think that has come out of all of our mouths at one time or another!

We think of childish tantrums as totally unacceptable, right?  No one thinks it's okay to scream in a grocery stores and strip naked in front of guests in our home....

Read More

3 Things To Look Out For When Preparing Your Relationship For Baby

3 Things To Look Out For When Preparing Your Relationship For Baby

When you bring your sweet baby home you will likely be met with challenges that are hard to prepare for.  Things like colic and any array of surprise health issues your baby comes home with can weigh heavy on any relationship.  

But many people don't consider how even the best relationship can be stretched and challenged.  Let's consider 5 Ways To Prepare so you and your sweetheart can thrive during what should be a very happy time....

Read More

The Pain of the Betrayed After an Affair

The Pain of the Betrayed After an Affair

What Past Clients Have Told Me

An affair can the most devastating person experience the betrayed spouse experiences in their lifetime. I’ve had people tell me they would rather go back to Iraq and be shot at than to experience their spouse’s betrayal again. I’ve had a woman say that her husbands affair was worse than her child passing away. Just because an affair is so devastating doesn’t mean a marriage can not be rebuilt. An affair can be put behind you if the trauma is properly dealt with.  

If the Involved spouse doesn’t really know how traumatic their actions have been for their injured spouse, that can serve as a severe hinderance to recovery. The involved spouse just won’t “get it” and fail to be a resource of support and compassion....

Read More

Healing Shame

Healing Shame

A common roadblock to rebuilding after an affair is the relentless emotion of shame in the betrayer. Most people are aware of how painful an affair is to the betrayed spouse, but few are aware of what it does to the spouse who had an affair. I’ll try to give a nice concise summary. Commonly the betrayer starts with guilt and a harsh critical voice of self-hatred. Many times betrayers refuse to think or discuss the affair because doing so brings up such strong feelings of disgust that is directed at themselves. They are in pain when discussing it because they do not want to see their injured spouse struggle with the devastation they caused and they don’t want to think of themselves as someone who could do something so inhuman. Once guilt has crossed the line into shame, spouses who had the affair commonly feel repairing the marriage is hopeless....

Read More

Why Emotional Affairs Kill Marriages

Why Emotional Affairs Kill Marriages

Although some would not consider an emotional entanglement an affair, this type of relationship can be just as devastating and destructive as a sexual affair. Emotional affairs are not commonly discussed, and frequently, their lack of sexual involvement is used as a rationalization as to why it’s not an affair. But technicalities in no way absolve the reality of the situation....

Read More

Affairs With Shared Interest...Just Friends, Really?

Affairs With Shared Interest...Just Friends, Really?

In this situation, the betrayer is involved with the affair partner, but at the same time, the betrayer does not want to leave the marriage. The betrayer considers the affair partner a soul mate. 

These affairs frequently spring from a relationship in which the two individuals share something in common such as music, art, movies, video games or another interest. Typically, this interest is something they don't share in common with the spouse, so they turn to the affair partner for understanding, companionship, and support....

Read More

Revenge Affairs...Do They Work?

Revenge Affairs...Do They Work?

This affair occurs after an injured spouse feels like they are not healing and they want to make their betraying spouse understand the pain they are in. Typically this occurs after several months of trying to recover from the affair and they feel like are not getting answers as to why it occurred. The betrayer may have an affair in this scenario for several different reasons i.e. to boaster their self-esteem, feel desired, or they rationalize, "I'm a person too you can't keep treating me this way.".....

Read More

When Marriage Burn Out Leads To Infidelity

When Marriage Burn Out Leads To Infidelity

Most affairs have characteristics of this type of affair, but this also can be its own separate category. 

This is an affair that occurs because the spouse doesn’t care about the future of the marriage. They have reached a place where they simply don’t care about being with their spouse. The betrayer feels beat up by the negative cycle the couple has experienced and as a result they start to feel resentment, alone, sad and simply start caring less about the marriage.....

Read More