How Does Abuse and Emotional Neglect Make Someone An Avoider?

How Does Abuse and Emotional Neglect Make Someone An Avoider?

Understanding the Avoider’s Past So You Can Gain New Ways To Interact That Help You Break Out Of Old Ruts

We’ve talked a lot about what makes someone an avoider in previous articles on our website here and here.  We also explain more about why it matters and in different contexts.  But there are some other areas I want to dive deep into because they also play a huge role in your marriage. 

There are several things that can make someone grow up to become an Avoider. In this post we’re focusing on the aspects of your spouse’s past that make them an avoider.

There are several things that contribute to that from their past that we’ll get to in a moment. I don’t want to ignore the things that are happening now in your relationship that might cause them to avoid, that’s the the topic of another article you can find here. 

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How To Reconnect With Your Family When You Travel For Work Or You’re In The Military

How To Reconnect With Your Family When You Travel For Work Or You’re In The Military

This post is written in a frank and direct tone.  But I want you to know that it is because of the love I have for you and your family.  Most of all, your kids, whom I know you love deeply....I know you might be thinking “wait don’t you do marriage counseling? Wouldn’t it be my marriage you’d care the most about?”  

You bet I’m thinking of your marriage too.  But we’re constantly thinking about future marriages.  While these tips will transform your marriage in many ways...if you take this advice...it will also release something in your children that will cause generations of transformed relationships.  It transcends far beyond you or me or even things we can see.  You change thousands of lives by your choice to make these little changes. 

I am tired of seeing my dear friends missing these incredibly important and crucial details.  So I am writing this for you, the internet, as well as my dearest and most beloved friends who have to travel for a living to support their families or who are serving our great country in the military.  

I hope as you read this you hear my desperation for you.  If you saw a burning building and you knew someone was inside suffering wouldn’t you run in to save them?  Yes you would because that’s the type of person you are.  I am that person too.  This post is the water meant to quench the flames you can’t see, but you can feel.  Every time you want to get close but you can’t.  Enough with the small talk and butterfly kisses.  Let’s get on with it. 

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Why You're Really Stuck And Unable To Heal After The Affair

Why You're Really Stuck And Unable To Heal After The Affair

Right now, if you’re reading this, you are looking for something, anything, to heal yourself…and maybe your marriage…from broken trust.  For most of you the trust was violated because of infidelity.  

You’ve tried what feels like everything.  Your inbox is likely flooded with tons of advice e-mails and sifting through that alone can feel like a stressful event all by itself.  

But this is all you need.  Right here.  You don’t need to look any further.  We take everything helpful that’s ever been published or thought of and we’ve condensed it to make it manageable and easy to follow.

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Love Addiction Is Killing Your Intimacy

For a description of the term, "Limerence" read the earlier blog post called "Madly In Love With The Affair Partner?" dedicated to understanding what it is. This type of affair is one of two ways it may be experienced for those having an affair. Not every affair has limerence as a component. 

This type of limerent affair is really about the experience of “love addiction.” Those experiencing this type of affair have a repetitive pattern of moving from one relationship to the next, because the love they are looking for doesn’t last. This type of affair isn’t necessarily about sex. It is about finding the one right person who can make them happy, unfortunately they never find them, so they continue searching. Because the betrayer is on a never-ending search for the“right one,” it prevents them from making a full commitment to the marriage. 

The person experiencing this type of affair may be uncertain if they want to continue in their marriage.  After having been with their spouse for only a few years they can decide their mate isn’t “Mr. or Mrs. Right” they continue their search for the “One.”

The experience of falling in love isn’t really true love at all. True love is a choice that is made long after the feelings have faded. Those feelings we experience when falling in love eventually fade, and their supposed too. Because true love is experienced when you don’t feel like it. 

This type of affair occurs with both males and females. 

The betrayer tends to only see the positive qualities of the affair partner, they are infatuated with. At this point they are incapable of judging their negative characteristics. While they may see the defects, they won’t give these defects consideration.

At times this occurs even when there may not be an actual relationship with the person they are “infatuated” with. It can be more like an obsession about another person.  

Those experiencing this type of affair may complain about the lack of romantic love in the marital relationship.