Sometimes couples find themselves with the wrong help. Someone who doesn't have their best interest at heart and doesn't know how to help them heal. Sometimes even pastors are misguided and unhelpful. Read our response to this podcast listener's question.Read More
Welcome to our Marriage Blog!
MARRIAGE COUNSELING | TULSA OK | OKLAHOMA CITY, OK
When you're not connecting with your spouse the way you know you can and have in the past, it can cause you to feel alone, resentful, and sometimes sad. To help you see the improvement you want I have limited my practice to focusing on just couples. The couples I see are couples like you and in situations similar to yours. When getting help for your marriage it's best, in my opinion, to go with someone who works with couples full time. We have two locations, one in Tulsa and one in OKC, and serve a number of surrounding areas.
If you go to a cardiologist for your heart and an expert at pediatric radiology for your high risk prenatal ultrasounds why would you trust anyone but the expert who focuses solely on couple's issues for your marriage? The average couple waits 6 years to get help for their marriage. Why wait any longer? Why not get the right help for your marriage the first time? Please feel free to view our FAQ and Resources section for additional information.
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Last week we posted very important information for the person who was betrayed. This week it is important to talk to the person who made the mistake of betraying their spouse. Let’s look at the most common questions...Read More
1. Set aside a time and place to tell your kids
After you have decided to divorce or separate, tell your kids before you act on it. Both of you should be present and plan what you will say to all of your kids at one time.
2. Prepare to answer your kids’ concerns
Children will have many questions about living arrangements, holidays, school, activities, new parents, pets, and friends. Know ahead of time what some of these questions might be and have your response ready. You can help ease your children’s anxiety by giving them answers to their questions.
3. Keep in touch with grandparents
Grandparents can offer your children a form of support and stability that has been proven to be a major factor in helping children cope with the effects of divorce. Keep grandparents in the loop and ask them for their help during this difficult time.
4. Have a comfortable space for kids in each of your homes
Have some familiar items in a bedroom in each home to offer kids comfort and security. Also, have a space for older kids to place their school books, athletic gear, or musical instruments.
5. Remember marriage counseling can help you avoid divorcing and help you rebuild your marriage.
The way parents handle the stress of a divorce greatly influences their kid’s way of coping with it. Your child will be paying attention to how you cope with your divorce, so eat right and exercise, find a support group, and get counseling. You will be able to take better care of your child if you take better care of yourself....Read More
The fourth and final sign that the end is near in your marriage is STONEWALLING.
Note: The end is only near if there is no intervention like marriage counseling.
This simply means the listener withdraws from the interaction while staying in the room. Basically this means not giving cues that he or she is listening i.e. by looking at the side and not maintaining eye contact or crossing one's arms. This is very common in men.
Solution? Use PHYSIOLOGICAL SELF-SOOTHING, meaning learn to calm yourself down. Usually when someone is stonewalling their heart beat is close to 100 beats per minute. When your heart beat gets that high your adrenaline is pumping and you are in survival mode because you are being verbally beat up.
The key to self-soothing is to use relaxation techniques like deep breathing or tightening and relaxing muscles in your body. Marriage counseling can help your marriage.
This is sign to end all signs, this warning sign is so bad that marriage researchers just by spotting this warning sign can predict divorce with 94% accuracy. The end is only near if there is no intervention like marriage counseling.
The sign is CONTEMPT.
To be contemptuous is to put someone down, and to take a higher plan i.e. taking a higher moral ground. It's a position that says, "I am better, smarter, kinder/etc than you are." It can be accompanied by a belligerent attitude. When contempt is present in a relationship it is accompanied by a negative habit of mind where the wife scans the environment for her husbands mistakes rather than for what is positive or what she can appreciate. Now there is a cross-cultural universal facial expression of contempt: a lateral pull of the left lip corner to the side creating a dimple on the left side.
Create a CULTURE OF APPRECIATION! Be thankful!
Key ways to do this is to communicate to your partner what you like and love about them on a regular basis. It is more meaningful when it is done unexpectedly and in small ways, but done everyday. Let them know you are thankful for: being with them, knowing them, and what they do for you. Remember marriage counseling can help you avoid divorcing and help you rebuild your marriage.
The next sign that you maybe in a troubled marriage is DEFENSIVENESS. The end is only near if there is no intervention like marriage counseling.
Defensiveness follows criticism in the dysfunctional pattern of marital communication. What causes someone to feel defensive in a marital discussion is being criticized by their partner. When someone is criticized they are not thinking about what role they had in creating a problem but they are naturally thinking about how they are right and the criticizer is wrong. So defensiveness actually results in the defensive partner to criticize to show how "right" they are. It creates more criticism and causes nothing to be resolved in your marriage.
When you are criticized accepted responsibility for your part in the situation, even if it is a minor role. If you don't the cycle of criticism and defensiveness will play out in your marriage and cause you to grow apart. Marriage counseling can help your marriage.
Marriage researchers have identified four characteristics of relationships that are almost over. They are so important they have been labeled the “4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse.” Because in the Bible the 4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse appear when the end is near. The end is only near if...Read More