Affairs With Shared Interest...Just Friends, Really?

Can you really just be friends?  Probably not here's why.

The Shared Interest Affair

In this situation, the betrayer is involved with the affair partner, but at the same time, the betrayer does not want to leave the marriage. The betrayer considers the affair partner a soul mate. 

These affairs frequently spring from a relationship in which the two individuals share something in common such as music, art, movies, work, video games or another interest. Typically, this interest is something they don't share in common with the spouse, so they turn to the affair partner for understanding, companionship, and support.

It is as if the betrayers develop two lives; they share one part of themselves with their mate and then they reserve another aspect of life for their affair partner. Daily activities and information are divided into two realms: that which will be shared with the spouse and that which will be shared with the affair partner.

Usually, this type of affair indicates that there are other deficits in the marriage, but like we've stated many times before, these marital problems in no way excuse the infidelity. They are areas that will need to be addressed in order to strengthen the marriage.

Can You Be Friends After An Affair?

The simple answer is probably not.  Once boundaries have been crossed it's very unlikely that you can uncross those boundaries.  Plus, it's not a good idea to tempt yourself.  When you're on a diet you don't buy your favorite sweet and leave it out on the counter, right?  You'd break your diet within the hour.

So don't tempt yourself!  Also, your spouse may not know how to tell you that it bothers them because they may be worried that you'll leave them.  So don't put them in the awkward position of actually leaving you before you get the clue.

Our suggestion is get away from the affair partner if humanly possible.  It will spare you the continued hurt.