People compare and confuse the intensity of being "in love" during an affair with the secure, comfortable feeling of reality-based "loving" that occurs in long-term relationships.
The feelings of being "in love" is linked to Stage 1 idealization, passion and infatuation, which are just fleeting feelings.
True love, which you grow into, is characterized by acceptance, understanding, and compassion. That is why so few people end up marrying their affair partner, and those who do have an extremely high probability of divorce.
Once the affair is no longer the forbidden relationship that takes place in a golden bubble, the cold light of day soon bursts the romantic fantasies.
Remember marriage counseling can help you avoid divorcing and help you rebuild your marriage.