communication

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The More I Reach The Further I Feel

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Maybe you fight, maybe you don't....

Maybe you just don't feel close and the more you try to reach for your partner the further you seem to feel.

You walk on egg shells trying not to start another fight. But it's inevitable. All you have to do is make one wrong move and a terrible argument ignites.

You can't even mention the smallest thing without everything spiraling down to reminders of years of failings.

Now you’re wondering how to fix things. What can be done for your relationship when it feels like you’ve tried everything?

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How To Have A Difficult Conversation With Almost Anyone

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Recently, one of my friends deeply hurt my feelings.  Instead of talking with her about it I tried to ignore how I felt.  It didn’t take me long to begin seething on the inside.  I struggled to think kind thoughts.  I began to rewrite the long wonderful history we’ve had as friends with a negative spin.  

Have you ever been there?  I think we all have been offended or hurt by someone we care about at some point.  It can be really hard to just let it go.  

In my situation, I love my friend, and I want to keep our relationship alive and healthy.  I knew that if I didn’t deal with this well our friendship could fall apart.  

Here’s how I did it…

  1. So I began to notice the ways I handled similar situations poorly in the past.  

  2. Then I began to construct a new 10 step plan that I felt would achieve the desired end result…that is what I outline here for you in this post.

  3. Then I tested it in a few different situations.

If you find yourself hurt by others and you can’t seem to “get over” the hurt of it then read this!  I outline a step by step approach to initiating a difficult conversation with almost anyone.  

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How To Reconnect With Your Family When You Travel For Work Or You’re In The Military

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How To Reconnect With Your Family When You Travel For Work Or You’re In The Military

This post is written in a frank and direct tone.  But I want you to know that it is because of the love I have for you and your family.  Most of all, your kids, whom I know you love deeply....I know you might be thinking “wait don’t you do marriage counseling? Wouldn’t it be my marriage you’d care the most about?”  

You bet I’m thinking of your marriage too.  But we’re constantly thinking about future marriages.  While these tips will transform your marriage in many ways...if you take this advice...it will also release something in your children that will cause generations of transformed relationships.  It transcends far beyond you or me or even things we can see.  You change thousands of lives by your choice to make these little changes. 

I am tired of seeing my dear friends missing these incredibly important and crucial details.  So I am writing this for you, the internet, as well as my dearest and most beloved friends who have to travel for a living to support their families or who are serving our great country in the military.  

I hope as you read this you hear my desperation for you.  If you saw a burning building and you knew someone was inside suffering wouldn’t you run in to save them?  Yes you would because that’s the type of person you are.  I am that person too.  This post is the water meant to quench the flames you can’t see, but you can feel.  Every time you want to get close but you can’t.  Enough with the small talk and butterfly kisses.  Let’s get on with it. 

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How To Raise Your Kid To Be A Great Spouse

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How To Raise Your Kid To Be A Great Spouse

3 Strategies For Building A Real Connection With Your Kids That Will Actually Change YOUR Life And Marriage

There are a few things we’ve discovered in our marriage counseling practice that people wish they had growing up.  If you are mindful of these six things we cover here, as you raise your kids to be future husbands and wives, you will discover your relationships will transform.

Some things you’ll want to avoid and some you’ll want to start doing so you can achieve your ultimate parenting goals…to raise happy, healthy, successful children, who make good choices, lives up to their full potential, and who are equipped to be a great spouse one day.

Some of these things you’ll know.  Some you already do automatically…and some will take a extra effort on your part.  After helping thousands of couples in our marriage counseling private practices this is what we’ve discovered makes couples the most successful.

It goes far beyond communication techniques and temporary strategies for healing broken trust.  What we share here gets to the root of real intimacy. 

DISCLAIMER: There is so much parent shaming out there these days….we are parents ourselves and frankly we’re sick of it all.  This is NOT that.

This article is all about encouraging you and building you up so you can feel great about your skills and what you’ve already accomplished!  

So let’s explore how you can make sure your kids grow into great spouses one day….if they so choose.

Two Practical Tips To Get Unstuck When Communicating With Your Partner

Two Practical Tips To Get Unstuck When Communicating With Your Partner

Today we discuss two practical tips for getting you out of the negative pattern. You might want to know "how do we get out of this negative cycle?’

I had a couple recently, who asked this same question. In typical therapy fashion, I like to give my opinion, however, I always like to defer to the spouse first because they usually have the best answer.

Now, this is somebody who has been betrayed, hurt deeply, and she said "you know, when I get hurt and I've got these ptsd symptoms that I'm working through, there are somethings I need you to do.  

Number one, I need….

Sexual Intimacy A Struggle?

Sexual Intimacy A Struggle?

If only it were as simple as putting on a sensual song and slipping into something “more comfortable” to feel “in the mood” as a woman.  

If you come to us for counseling you have learned all about emotional intimacy and have probably experienced a deepening of your relationship bond in a short amount of time.  But sometimes couples still struggle sexually.  

Sometimes it’s a biological struggle, sometimes its dietary, and yet sometimes it’s just simply a matter of preparing the mind for an encounter with our spouse.... 

5 Negative Cycles Couples Fall Into

5 Negative Cycles Couples Fall Into

We each play a role in our relationship, right?  I mean it wouldn't be a relationship if there weren't two people.  So we each have habitual responses that we've learned over the years and some are good and some are bad.  Most of the time the methods we learned to use in order to cope as a kid are what we still use as adults.  If we didn't learn a healthy way to communicate and rely on others as a young person we may be struggling in our present relationships as well.

How Is Your Relationship’s Immune System?

Take the Quiz To Learn More…