Sexual Intimacy A Struggle?

Sexual Intimacy A Struggle?

If only it were as simple as putting on a sensual song and slipping into something “more comfortable” to feel “in the mood” as a woman.  

If you come to us for counseling you have learned all about emotional intimacy and have probably experienced a deepening of your relationship bond in a short amount of time.  But sometimes couples still struggle sexually.  

Sometimes it’s a biological struggle, sometimes its dietary, and yet sometimes it’s just simply a matter of preparing the mind for an encounter with our spouse.... 

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New Parent Difficulties: A Case Study

New Parent Difficulties: A Case Study

When it comes to celebrity couples, Eva Mendes and Ryan Gosling are one pair of Hollywood A-listers who have managed to keep the details of their relationship relatively private. Maintaining this level of confidentiality is no small feat given the celebrity status of the two.  After all, it's hard enough for us common folk to keep our private lives private. 

Nonetheless, when you're as famous as Eva Mendes and Ryan Gosling are, there will always be prying eyes and lenses whenever you go out and public. As a result, there are some things that you just can't keep secret for long, and recent photos of the couple together clearly show that Mendes is expecting the couple's second child...

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How Infidelity Creeps Into Relationships: Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner

How Infidelity Creeps Into Relationships: Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner

Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck were more than just a Hollywood power couple. They were also the type of couple that a lot of couples aspire to be. His teary-eyed, heartfelt acceptance speech at the Grammy's was enough to make many women swoon. It's difficult to not be impressed by a man who unabashedly thanks and weeps over his wife and children on live television. When news of the their impending separation hit, followed by rumors of infidelity hit, however, public opinion dramatically changed. What people forgot is that celebrity relationships are fraught with all of the same problems that regular relationships are fraught with, and more. Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner are real people and the basic problem in their relationship is a very common one....

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Building Resilience Through Life Transitions

Building Resilience Through Life Transitions

Transitions in life can be so hard.  Brad and I are already talking about when we will have a second child.  I am already thinking about how my little Luke will feel about no longer being the baby.

Of course he will always be my baby…but the thought of him growing older and not being my little guy is a bit sad.  We also think about his emotional health a lot.  

We know how important it is for little guys and girls to be emotionally healthy because they take their emotional health or disfunction with them into their adult years.  Whether they are emotionally healthy or not it impacts every aspect of their lives....

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Ever Feel Like Your Spouse Is Such A Baby?

Ever Feel Like Your Spouse Is Such A Baby?

You may have heard the saying "cradle to the grave" attached to physical intimacy.  While that is very true.  We don't always think of childlike temper tantrums as something acceptable in adult love relationships.  Instead we hear things like, "Your acting like a such a baby"....I think that has come out of all of our mouths at one time or another!

We think of childish tantrums as totally unacceptable, right?  No one thinks it's okay to scream in a grocery stores and strip naked in front of guests in our home....

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3 Things To Look Out For When Preparing Your Relationship For Baby

3 Things To Look Out For When Preparing Your Relationship For Baby

When you bring your sweet baby home you will likely be met with challenges that are hard to prepare for.  Things like colic and any array of surprise health issues your baby comes home with can weigh heavy on any relationship.  

But many people don't consider how even the best relationship can be stretched and challenged.  Let's consider 5 Ways To Prepare so you and your sweetheart can thrive during what should be a very happy time....

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The Pain of the Betrayed After an Affair

The Pain of the Betrayed After an Affair

What Past Clients Have Told Me

An affair can the most devastating person experience the betrayed spouse experiences in their lifetime. I’ve had people tell me they would rather go back to Iraq and be shot at than to experience their spouse’s betrayal again. I’ve had a woman say that her husbands affair was worse than her child passing away. Just because an affair is so devastating doesn’t mean a marriage can not be rebuilt. An affair can be put behind you if the trauma is properly dealt with.  

If the Involved spouse doesn’t really know how traumatic their actions have been for their injured spouse, that can serve as a severe hinderance to recovery. The involved spouse just won’t “get it” and fail to be a resource of support and compassion....

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Healing Shame

Healing Shame

A common roadblock to rebuilding after an affair is the relentless emotion of shame in the betrayer. Most people are aware of how painful an affair is to the betrayed spouse, but few are aware of what it does to the spouse who had an affair. I’ll try to give a nice concise summary. Commonly the betrayer starts with guilt and a harsh critical voice of self-hatred. Many times betrayers refuse to think or discuss the affair because doing so brings up such strong feelings of disgust that is directed at themselves. They are in pain when discussing it because they do not want to see their injured spouse struggle with the devastation they caused and they don’t want to think of themselves as someone who could do something so inhuman. Once guilt has crossed the line into shame, spouses who had the affair commonly feel repairing the marriage is hopeless....

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Why Emotional Affairs Kill Marriages

Why Emotional Affairs Kill Marriages

Although some would not consider an emotional entanglement an affair, this type of relationship can be just as devastating and destructive as a sexual affair. Emotional affairs are not commonly discussed, and frequently, their lack of sexual involvement is used as a rationalization as to why it’s not an affair. But technicalities in no way absolve the reality of the situation....

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Affairs With Shared Interest...Just Friends, Really?

Affairs With Shared Interest...Just Friends, Really?

In this situation, the betrayer is involved with the affair partner, but at the same time, the betrayer does not want to leave the marriage. The betrayer considers the affair partner a soul mate. 

These affairs frequently spring from a relationship in which the two individuals share something in common such as music, art, movies, video games or another interest. Typically, this interest is something they don't share in common with the spouse, so they turn to the affair partner for understanding, companionship, and support....

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Revenge Affairs...Do They Work?

Revenge Affairs...Do They Work?

This affair occurs after an injured spouse feels like they are not healing and they want to make their betraying spouse understand the pain they are in. Typically this occurs after several months of trying to recover from the affair and they feel like are not getting answers as to why it occurred. The betrayer may have an affair in this scenario for several different reasons i.e. to boaster their self-esteem, feel desired, or they rationalize, "I'm a person too you can't keep treating me this way.".....

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When Marriage Burn Out Leads To Infidelity

When Marriage Burn Out Leads To Infidelity

Most affairs have characteristics of this type of affair, but this also can be its own separate category. 

This is an affair that occurs because the spouse doesn’t care about the future of the marriage. They have reached a place where they simply don’t care about being with their spouse. The betrayer feels beat up by the negative cycle the couple has experienced and as a result they start to feel resentment, alone, sad and simply start caring less about the marriage.....

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Sexual Abuse "Affair"?

Sexual Abuse "Affair"?

This type of affair occurs when somebody has been raped or forced into sex by another individual, but the spouse doesn't believe that he or she has been taken advantage, as a result the spouse was sexually coerced is in a horrible position because they've been sexually assaulted and their spouse believes they were an active participant in an affair.  Characteristics include...

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When It's Normal To Cheat

When It's Normal To Cheat

The Philanderer’s Affair occurs because the betrayer believes that having an affair is “normal.” These betrayers are different from sex addicts and those who have one night stands. They believe that cheating is a way of life. They were probably taught cheating is okay by a parent, coworker, or friend. They live by the motto, “As long as no one gets hurt, it’s okay.” Often times couples who have clearly defined “roles” as a husband and wife, (such as the man is the provider and the wife is a stay at home mom), can easily fall into this trap. As distinctions between roles diminish and spouses share roles affairs of this type will be less likely. This type of an affair feeds off of their being an unequal share of power in the relationship.....

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Affairs With Sex Addicts

Affairs With Sex Addicts

These affairs are committed by individuals who have an ongoing pattern of sexual betrayal, such as frequenting topless bars or adult bookstores, viewing pornography, compulsive masturbation, prostitution, repetitive encounters with sexual partners, and other behaviors that are destructive to both the individual and to the marital relationship. 

These individuals, though in a committed relationship, have never been able to find complete fulfillment from their relationship. Rather, they are enslaved by....

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The One Night Stand Affair

The One Night Stand Affair

Characteristics: 

  • Commonly a one-night stand occurs when a spouse is away from home
  • Alcohol and anonymity maybe involved. 
  • The betrayer gets caught up in the heat of the moment, and gives in to temptation. 
  • It is important to note that a one-night stand is doesn’t happen necessarily because of a lack of emotional connection in the marriage 
  • This doesn’t necessarily happen because the betrayer is dissatisfied with his or her mate, (even sexually). 
  • With this type of affair one of the distinguishing points is the desire of the betrayer to stay in his or her marriage. Their fear and desire to keep it a secret are indicators that they don’t want to lose the marriage. 
  • The core of this betrayal is based on.....
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Communicating After Betrayal

Jack was betrayed by his wife Molly. She had an affair with his best friend, who was his boss at work. As they try to work through the affair Jack feels feels unsafe with Molly. He believes he has no security and feels like he is having to guess what is on her mind. Having to guess only creates more uncertainty and fear for Jack. Jack responds to this uncertainty by questioning, lecturing, blowing up with anger, and experiencing deep levels of anxiety. Jack and Molly are caught in a nasty cycle of criticize/withdrawal.... 

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