Should We Do Christian Counseling?

If you're a person of faith, like we are, you want to know that when you visit a marriage counselor you won't be told to give up and divorce.  You want to know that the counselor you're seeing is marriage friendly, comes from a Christian world view, and wants to help you achieve a healthy relationship that will last a lifetime.  

5 Ways To Keep The Kids Occupied During Couples Therapy

Kids are a huge blessing! Love for our children is often what brings us to couples therapy. We want to be happy and we want our children to have a happy childhood, right?

It’s important for your kids to know you take care of yourself and your marriage. Putting your relationship first is helping the children and family.

Most find that having someone watch your kids while you take care of your relationship is the best choice you will make. It is much easier to concentrate with fewer distractions.

How To Speed Up Couples Therapy

When choosing to do couples therapy there is so much to be aware of. Chances are you’ve never done this before. If you have done counseling then it may not have been a good experience and you’re looking for something new or different.

Many couples only have one shot to convince their partner to do counseling. If you choose the wrong therapist or option you risk discouraging your spouse from trying anything again.

This experience will be different. It will be so much better.

How Do Most Affairs Start? (It's not what you think)

Do you avoid conflict and feel uncomfortable sharing negative feelings? Do you or your partner avoid discussing important things out of fear of conflict?

When important negative feelings are sidestepped, over time, it creates emotional distance. Emotional distance can cause one or both partners to feel lonely.

Emotional distance or feeling lonely is a vacuum that needs to be filled. Many affairs start when one partner can't confide in their spouse.

The More I Reach The Further I Feel

Maybe you fight, maybe you don't....

Maybe you just don't feel close and the more you try to reach for your partner the further you seem to feel.

You walk on egg shells trying not to start another fight. But it's inevitable. All you have to do is make one wrong move and a terrible argument ignites.

You can't even mention the smallest thing without everything spiraling down to reminders of years of failings.

Now you’re wondering how to fix things. What can be done for your relationship when it feels like you’ve tried everything?

How Do I Talk To My Partner About Marriage Counseling?

I receive a lot of emails where people ask, "my partner wants to reconcile but they aren't ready for counseling. How do I convince them that we need to do marriage counseling now." You know you need it, you want it, but someone just gets cold feet...it's not unusual! There are a few things you can do to help them take the important healing step for your relationship.

How To Have A Difficult Conversation With Almost Anyone

Recently, one of my friends deeply hurt my feelings.  Instead of talking with her about it I tried to ignore how I felt.  It didn’t take me long to begin seething on the inside.  I struggled to think kind thoughts.  I began to rewrite the long wonderful history we’ve had as friends with a negative spin.  

Have you ever been there?  I think we all have been offended or hurt by someone we care about at some point.  It can be really hard to just let it go.  

In my situation, I love my friend, and I want to keep our relationship alive and healthy.  I knew that if I didn’t deal with this well our friendship could fall apart.  

Here’s how I did it…

  1. So I began to notice the ways I handled similar situations poorly in the past.  

  2. Then I began to construct a new 10 step plan that I felt would achieve the desired end result…that is what I outline here for you in this post.

  3. Then I tested it in a few different situations.

If you find yourself hurt by others and you can’t seem to “get over” the hurt of it then read this!  I outline a step by step approach to initiating a difficult conversation with almost anyone.  

How Does Abuse and Emotional Neglect Make Someone An Avoider?

How Does Abuse and Emotional Neglect Make Someone An Avoider?

Understanding the Avoider’s Past So You Can Gain New Ways To Interact That Help You Break Out Of Old Ruts

We’ve talked a lot about what makes someone an avoider in previous articles on our website here and here.  We also explain more about why it matters and in different contexts.  But there are some other areas I want to dive deep into because they also play a huge role in your marriage. 

There are several things that can make someone grow up to become an Avoider. In this post we’re focusing on the aspects of your spouse’s past that make them an avoider.

There are several things that contribute to that from their past that we’ll get to in a moment. I don’t want to ignore the things that are happening now in your relationship that might cause them to avoid, that’s the the topic of another article you can find here. 

How To Reconnect With Your Family When You Travel For Work Or You’re In The Military

How To Reconnect With Your Family When You Travel For Work Or You’re In The Military

This post is written in a frank and direct tone.  But I want you to know that it is because of the love I have for you and your family.  Most of all, your kids, whom I know you love deeply....I know you might be thinking “wait don’t you do marriage counseling? Wouldn’t it be my marriage you’d care the most about?”  

You bet I’m thinking of your marriage too.  But we’re constantly thinking about future marriages.  While these tips will transform your marriage in many ways...if you take this advice...it will also release something in your children that will cause generations of transformed relationships.  It transcends far beyond you or me or even things we can see.  You change thousands of lives by your choice to make these little changes. 

I am tired of seeing my dear friends missing these incredibly important and crucial details.  So I am writing this for you, the internet, as well as my dearest and most beloved friends who have to travel for a living to support their families or who are serving our great country in the military.  

I hope as you read this you hear my desperation for you.  If you saw a burning building and you knew someone was inside suffering wouldn’t you run in to save them?  Yes you would because that’s the type of person you are.  I am that person too.  This post is the water meant to quench the flames you can’t see, but you can feel.  Every time you want to get close but you can’t.  Enough with the small talk and butterfly kisses.  Let’s get on with it. 

22 Fun Ways To Build Fun and Romance Into Your Marriage

22 Fun Ways To Build Fun and Romance Into Your Marriage

Your marriage health is incredibly important not just for your life expectancy but also for your kid’s life expectancy.  Obviously we advocate for marriage counseling because that’s what we do…but we would love for you to never need us.  So we put together 22 fun ways to build fun and romance into your marriage right now so hopefully you don’t need intensive marriage counseling.

You will see a bunch of links we personally picked just to make these ideas come to life for you.  None of them are affiliate links.  They are all just to make life a little funner (and easier for you).  We hope you enjoy this one as much as we enjoyed writing it for you!

15 Fun Date Night Ideas For Couples In Oklahoma City or Tulsa

15 Fun Date Night Ideas For Couples In Oklahoma City or Tulsa

Here at Marriage Solutions we’re always on the lookout for fun local activities to do for fun date nights.  Fun is crucial for a love to last.  We need to laugh together and go on adventures both great and small.

You know a life full of stress without stopping for fun can cause any great couple to end up in a marriage counselor’s office.  

So to inspire you, we have assembled 15 great date ideas for couples to do in Oklahoma City or for our couples in Tulsa to take a quick trip south. 

How Long Should I Try To Work On The Marriage If My Partner Is Unwilling To Try?

How Long Should I Try To Work On The Marriage If My Partner Is Unwilling To Try?

Maybe you’ve been unhappy in your relationship for a while but your partner seems unwilling to do anything to improve the situation.  It can be so hard to know what to do.  You can feel so incredibly stuck.  

I can be even worse if you’ve experienced a significant hurt.  Maybe they don’t know know how to be there for you emotionally or physically when you need them most.  

Maybe there’s been betrayal like an affair.  Maybe you’ve considered looking outside the marriage for comfort.  If you have then READ THIS.
But the question we get quite often in our marriage counseling private practices is, “how long should I try to work on things before it’s a hopeless case?”  Other questions we get are…”am I crazy for wanting to work on things?” Or “Is my partner a Narcissist just trying to hurt me?”

In our years of experience counseling couples we’ve identified several types of people, and situations couples find themselves in, when they have to decide if they should leave their spouse or not.

How To Reveal The Affair To Your Spouse Without Losing Them Or Being Physically Assaulted In The Process

How To Reveal The Affair To Your Spouse Without Losing Them Or Being Physically Assaulted In The Process

Are you afraid to reveal the affair to your spouse or partner?  A lot of people struggle to be completely forthright and honest about everything surrounding the transgressions.  It can be incredibly scary because you don’t know how they will react.  

Will they leave?  Will they hurt you somehow?  Will you regret it?  Are you better off never revealing what happened…or are you better off sharing all the details?
In our marriage counseling and coaching practices we’ve helped thousands of individuals from all over the world come clean to their partner about the affair…in the best way possible.  It’s not easy…but our methods work.

Why You're Really Stuck And Unable To Heal After The Affair

Why You're Really Stuck And Unable To Heal After The Affair

Right now, if you’re reading this, you are looking for something, anything, to heal yourself…and maybe your marriage…from broken trust.  For most of you the trust was violated because of infidelity.  

You’ve tried what feels like everything.  Your inbox is likely flooded with tons of advice e-mails and sifting through that alone can feel like a stressful event all by itself.  

But this is all you need.  Right here.  You don’t need to look any further.  We take everything helpful that’s ever been published or thought of and we’ve condensed it to make it manageable and easy to follow.

The Non-Foodie’s Guide To Good Date Night Restaurants In OKC

The Non-Foodie’s Guide To Good Date Night Restaurants In OKC

Getting out as a couple is so important.  No one understands that better than a marriage counselor.  When Brad and I were pre-kids I found myself complaining about our default habit of dinner and a movie.  But now that we have a toddler I am ecstatic about getting away to the typical dinner and a movie.  We’re not really foodies so we find ourselves getting stuck in the same restaurant cycle.  We know many of you get stuck like that too…so this list is for you and us too!  

Why A Museum Date in Oklahoma City Is A Great Way To Spice Up Your Relationship

Why A Museum Date in Oklahoma City Is A Great Way To Spice Up Your Relationship

You know what they say…a couple that explores together stays together…or at least having fun together scores big points in the romance realm.

Museums can be a novel way to spend time indoors during less than ideal weather.  When  you see something interesting it gives you an excuse to sit really close to read the tiny placard.  And if you have loud little people always around, many of the museums are incredibly quiet, which is a wonderful break from our crazy busy lives.  

Some of these museums might not be inline with your interests, but that’s why it’s important to go. Doing new and different things helps a romantic connection grow. You never know what will inspire you or if you’ll learn something new about your partner.  You never know what might trigger a good memory or even cause a conversation.  However you feel about the museum will spark a conversation

3 Strategies For Raising Your Kid To Be A Kind And Likable Person

3 Strategies For Raising Your Kid To Be A Kind And Likable Person

How Your Parenting Today Impacts, Not Just Your Marriage, But Your Kid’s Future Marriage As Well

In a previous post called How To Raise Your Kid To Be A Great Spouse we shared several practical strategies for building a great relationship with your kid so they become a great spouse one day.  

This post continues that conversation about how do we do what we can do to ensure we raise exceptional human beings….AND how this has a direct impact on marriage.

We write from our experiences as parents and as professional marriage therapists.  We help couples every day who once were little kids seeking for attention and love.  We never lose that need for connection and love….it simply transfers to our marriage partner.

If we can learn to meet these needs for our kids we are doing 3 things.  1. We are learning how to meet those needs for our partner, 2. We’re learning about our own needs, and 3. We’re transforming lives for generations upon generations into the future.  

Humans have this incredible power to love and make a conscious effort to change.  We can heal and we can make little shifts to heal the lives of others if we’re brave enough to try.

We’re in this together!  One big human family.  Your family and your marriage plays a key roll in how the world thrives or falls apart.  If you don’t believe me…look at the education system for example…

When our public lacks an education there aren’t enough skilled workers to keep an economy alive.  People go hungry and loose hope.  The good news is you don’t have to rely on some government education system.

When you learn these skills you teach your children how seek their own education.  You remove obstacles so they can fully thrive and live up to their potential.  You’re giving them emotional intelligence.  This gift will allow them to never starve for love or intimacy.

How To Raise Your Kid To Be A Great Spouse

How To Raise Your Kid To Be A Great Spouse

3 Strategies For Building A Real Connection With Your Kids That Will Actually Change YOUR Life And Marriage

There are a few things we’ve discovered in our marriage counseling practice that people wish they had growing up.  If you are mindful of these six things we cover here, as you raise your kids to be future husbands and wives, you will discover your relationships will transform.

Some things you’ll want to avoid and some you’ll want to start doing so you can achieve your ultimate parenting goals…to raise happy, healthy, successful children, who make good choices, lives up to their full potential, and who are equipped to be a great spouse one day.

Some of these things you’ll know.  Some you already do automatically…and some will take a extra effort on your part.  After helping thousands of couples in our marriage counseling private practices this is what we’ve discovered makes couples the most successful.

It goes far beyond communication techniques and temporary strategies for healing broken trust.  What we share here gets to the root of real intimacy. 

DISCLAIMER: There is so much parent shaming out there these days….we are parents ourselves and frankly we’re sick of it all.  This is NOT that.

This article is all about encouraging you and building you up so you can feel great about your skills and what you’ve already accomplished!  

So let’s explore how you can make sure your kids grow into great spouses one day….if they so choose.